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Define: "Velocity"
What HR thinks it means:
A metric predicting how much work an Agile team can successfully complete.
What it actually means:
"A made-up number weaponized by management to make developers feel bad about their output."
Use it in a meeting:
"Management is obsessed with increasing sprint velocity, completely oblivious to the fact that the code quality is dropping into the abyss."
Related Terminology
Tired of hearing this?
Next time someone says "Velocity" in a meeting, track exactly how much company money they just wasted. Play Buzzword Bingo, generate a waste invoice, and stop the bleeding.
